Do you ever find yourself in a funk that you just can’t get out of? Not making progress as quickly as you wanted? Doubting you have what it takes?

You might be stuck in the messy, ugly, and harsh reality that is the comparison trap. And it sucks! But believe me, you’re not alone. I’ve been there more times that I’d like to admit. 

After I graduated college, I struggled (and I mean struggled) to get hired anywhere. For two whole years, I spent almost everyday applying to jobs and trying to connect with people who worked in marketing. In theory, that sounds like a good idea, but all it did was make me feel bad that those people were able to get hired somewhere and I couldn’t.

The same thing happened again, when I signed up for a 5k with my friends just as I was starting to exercise again. The entire time it was really hard, it hurt, and I was really slow. But my friends seemed to just breeze through it because they had been working at it much longer than me. 

The end result is always the same. Feeling bad about yourself, doubting yourself, punishing yourself. 

The thing about the comparison trap is that it always disguises itself as failure. And the truth is, it’s not. Not even close.

What Is The Comparison Trap?

The comparison trap is an ugly little monster. It shows up when you’re starting to make progress on something and it holds you back or stalls you. 

It happens when you enter what Ruth Soukup likes to call “the messy middle.” That’s when things stop being new & exciting, or they become boring or hard. It also happens almost every time you scroll on social media and see your friends enjoying lavish dinners and vacations.

You stop focusing on yourself and you start to pay more attention to other people. Specifically, what they have or what they are doing. And then you compare yourself to them. 

This is almost never a good thing. That’s why it’s called a trap!

When you fall into the comparison trap, you typically start to get down or feel bad about yourself. You might doubt yourself and question why you are doing something if you will never compare to that other person. 

Nancy from down the street might have more money or be in better shape. But the truth is, she’s probably been working at it much longer than you, so she should be better and have more!

Or maybe she’s really struggling financially and her health isn’t the best, but she is really good at keeping up appearances. 

The truth is, we never know what journey someone else is on or what they had to endure to get to where they are now. 

Nancy might have had to sacrifice valuable time with her family so she could work late and earn extra money. Or maybe it took her a whole year to be able to run one mile because she was injured.

The comparison trap completely ignores all of the struggles, sacrifices, and hard work that it takes to get to where you want to be. It tells us that we should be further along even though we haven’t put in all of the effort. Or that we aren’t good enough just because we aren’t caught up to where someone else is yet. 

But guess what, you should not be able to run as long, hard, and fast on day 1, that Nancy can run on day 528. 

Everyone starts somewhere, but not everyone starts at the same time. 

Jon Acuff once said, “Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.” In other words, don’t fall into the comparison trap! 

How To Avoid The Comparison Trap

Once you know what the comparison trap is and what it looks like, you can take a few simple steps to make sure you avoid it (or at least don’t stay stuck in it too long).

1. Flip Your Perspective

Instead of comparing yourself to someone else, try to view the situation as a proof of concept instead. Say to yourself, “If they can do it, than I can too!”

Seeing someone else be successful doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t) make you feel badly about yourself. It should motivate and inspire you. It should energize and excite you. It should show you that you can do anything you set your mind to! 

That simple switch in mindset can stop the comparison trap in its tracks! 

By looking at success stories from a different point of view and focusing on the possibilities, you can actually use it to your advantage. 

2. Change your social media feed

Social media is the place where people show off the best parts of their lives, but hardly ever share the realities of hard work, struggle, and boring everyday life. 

If you find yourself getting sucked in to all of the lush vacations and lavish meals, and wondering why your life can’t be like that, then it might be time to switch up your social media feed. 

Unfollow (or unfriend) the people who make you feel bad. Snooze (or completely leave) groups that trigger the comparison trap. Change your ad preferences in the settings so you don’t see content that will make you question yourself. 

Your feed is yours. You shouldn’t follow someone just because you are friends in real life. If it doesn’t build you up, make you laugh, teach you something, or if it’s just generally not positive, get rid of it! 

Social media can be a very fulfilling and helpful space if we use it wisely, so don’t be afraid to change it if it’s not working for you. 

3. Practice self-care

This is a big one! Take care of yourself – both your mind and your body. While this is always good advice, it is especially helpful if you are struggling with comparing yourself to others. 

Start prioritizing yourself over everyone and everything else (including your family). This might be hard, but if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else. 

If you need a break, take it, and don’t punish yourself for it. Just accept that this is a time where you need to slow down and breathe, and that it’s okay.

Whether they admit it or not, everyone needs to slow down and take care of themselves. If the comparison trap has a hold on you, take some time to practice a little bit of self-care.

Go for a run. Take a bubble bath. Get a massage. Watch a movie. Have some drinks with your girlfriends. Dance to your favorite song. 

Just give yourself whatever it is that you need. Nothing is worth your health or peace of mind.

4. Own Your Journey

If there is one thing that will kick the comparison trap to the curb, it’s accepting who you are, where you’re at, and why you are doing what you’re doing. In other words, own your own journey. 

Stop focusing on other people and quit looking at where you are not. Start focusing on yourself and look at how far you’ve come and how you feel about the things you’ve accomplished. 

Realize that you are unique and there is no one else like you. No one else has been through what you have. No one else knows what you know. And no one else can walk the journey that you are walking.

When you accept where your at and stay true to the reason you are pursuing goals in the first place, you will start to realize that it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing. You will grow to learn that you can’t ever compare to others because we are all different, and therefore, you can’t fall into the comparison trap. 

5. Reward Yourself For Your Accomplishments

The thing about the comparison trap is that it robs of all of the joy, excitement, pride that goes along with your success. 

No matter what, someone will always be further along than you (we are all on different journeys after all). But that doesn’t mean that your accomplishments are less than or are unworthy. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Your accomplishments are awesome and should be celebrated! 

Reward yourself for making progress. 

Ran a full mile without having to stop and walk? Finished that big project you’ve been working on all week? Hit your savings goal, or anything other goal for that matter? Awesome! Let’s celebrate it! 

Give yourself some sort of reward for accomplishing even the smallest of successes. Don’t save the rewards for only the big accomplishments. Every goal is met by taking small steps, so rewarding yourself along the way will only encourage you to keep going. 

I would try to make the reward match the accomplishment though. Taking a lavish vacation because you accomplished one small, albeit difficult, task isn’t necessarily the best idea. You will want an even bigger reward when you achieve one of your large goals, and if you are taking vacations for smaller tasks, it might not feel like a reward anymore. Save the big rewards for the big accomplishments. 

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what other people are doing (or how you measure up to them) if you feel good and are striving for your next prize (and goal).

When it comes to the comparison trap, it is easy to get stuck in a never-ending loop of failure and self-pity. You start to be consumed with what other people are doing and compare how you (seemingly never) measure up. 

But just because it’s a trap, doesn’t mean we have to get stuck in it. Once we recognize the signs and realize that everyone’s journey is different, we can take the steps to avoid the comparison trap. 

A few simple things like flipping your perspective, changing your social media feed, practicing self-care, owning your journey, and rewarding yourself for your accomplishments can make a world of difference. 

If you ever find yourself stuck in the comparison trap, give these few tips a try. And if you’ve been through it yourself, please share the tips you’ve used to overcome it. Together we can beat the comparison trap!

The post 5 Simple Ways to Avoid the Comparison Trap appeared first on Simple Socialite.

Sick of paying all of your bills and barely having enough money left over for yourself? Yeah, me too!

What if instead of paying all of our bills first, we paid ourselves first and saved more money?

It’s a crazy idea that Mike Michalowicz came up with to help his business become more profitable. If we take those same ideas and apply them to our personal finances, it can completely change the game!

What is Profit First?

The long and short of it is that profit first means setting aside a designated amount to pay yourself (or save) before paying any bills.

Normally profit is calculated Income – Expenses = Profit. Typically, we follow that pretty much to a T. We pay all of our bills first and then whatever is left over is ours to keep; it’s our “profit”.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. We can flip the equation on its head and say Income – Profit = Expenses. Mathematically, it works out the same, but it’s a completely different mindset. We are putting ourselves first and setting aside what we need to reach our goals, then building a budget around that, instead of the other way around.

How To Save More Money With Profit First?

By paying yourself first you are taking control of your finances. You are deciding how much to save and what you’re going to use that money for, before you ever pay any bills.

Too often, we let our expenses take control of our lives and that leads to things like debt and hardship.

I started doing something similar to this, very young, before I ever knew what Profit First was. I began saving for my retirement at about 21, even when it felt like I couldn’t afford to. If I’m being honest, I did that because I absolutely refuse to work my life away.

Funny thing is, it ended up turning my entire financial situation around and now I’m in a pretty comfortable spot because of it.

Saving 20% of your income is a pretty common piece of financial advice (I can’t tell you how many lectures I got about this growing up), but if that number doesn’t work for you, feel free to change it.

The simple act of paying your bills last will help you know how much you have to work with to live within your means, and help you build wealth at the same time.

Gone will be the days of having too many bills and not enough income! You will finally be able to afford to save for your retirement!

By flipping the equation around and saving more money for yourself first, you are taking control of your financial situation. You are putting yourself, and your family’s needs, above everything else that life throws at you. And you are setting yourself up with a security net, should you need it.

You will be surprised how quickly that money adds up once you start putting your profit (savings) first. Eventually, it will get to the point where you don’t even think about it.

It will become routine, and then all of the sudden you will be able to pay down some debt, take more vacations, and you will be much more comfortable with your financial situation!

How To Implement Profit First And Save More Money?

I’m going to warn you. It might be a little bit difficult at first, especially, if you already have a significant amount of bills or debt that you’re trying to pay. But fear not; it can be done!

The first step should be to figure out what your goals are and how much you need to save (each month, each year, each paycheck, etc.) to achieve them.

For example, if your goal is to retire at a certain age (mine is 45), then perhaps you should save $500-$600 a month in a designated retirement account with tax benefits.

Don’t be afraid to set big goals because you can always break them down into smaller, more manageable chunks. Just make sure you add in a buffer to factor in recreational spending, because that’s important too and I would never want you to give up going out entirely!

The next step is to take inventory of your expenses. How many bills do you have? How much are they? Does your current income cover all of your bills?

Once you know how much money is going out, compared to what is coming in, you can look for ways to cut unnecessary expenses and reduce the others. Do you really need to pay for Netflix, Hulu, and cable, or can one of them go?

Really take stock in what you value and what you need. Try to reduce or cut things that don’t fall in line with that. Odds are, you probably aren’t using it that much anyway.

Unless it’s insurance. Please keep your insurance! Believe me, it’s so much better to have it and not need it, then need it and not have it.

Once you do all that, it is smooth sailing until your next pay day. You simply set aside your “profit” amount into your desired accounts and use the rest of the budget you built.

From there, you can then pay your bills and if there is anything left over, that’s even better!

Putting yourself first is not selfish, and neither is paying yourself first!

Mike Michalowicz’s  concept of Profit First, where you set aside a portion of your income for yourself, or your profit, before paying any expenses puts you in charge of your own finances. By figuring out how much you need to save each month in order to achieve your financial goals, taking inventory of what expenses you have, and looking for ways you can reduce, you are able to build a better budget and plan.

Remember, Income – Profit = Expenses. Set aside money for yourself first, then build your budget and pay expenses from the remaining amount.

It’s fairly easy to do, and if I’m being honest, it takes a lot of stress out of looking at your bank account. Plus, it’s very easily to tell what you can and can’t afford.

I mean hey, if it can work for businesses and people like Mike Michalowicz, it can work for you too!

The post How Being Selfish Can Change Your Finances appeared first on Simple Socialite.

Let me tell you a little secret: being an adult is tough work. It’s filled with responsibilities, bills, and seemingly endless loads of laundry. To be perfectly honest, I hate it and it’s okay if you do too!

Now don’t get me wrong, I love the freedom that comes with being an adult also. But sometimes it just feels like that freedom is rather limited by my job, bank account, and everyday chores and responsibilities. If you’re anything like me, it can almost feel like you are not the one that’s actually in control of your own life.

Pretty early on in my journey to adulthood, I was faced with this harsh reality and I didn’t know what to do about it. I just felt lost.

2017 was a rollercoaster ride for me. I was extremely busy (like we all are) trying to balance a full-time job and a full-time MBA program, while trying to learn how to maintain a household at the same time. Truth be told, I had no idea what I was doing.

Grad school and my first full-time job started on the exact same day. I didn’t know what to expect, so I didn’t have a plan in place for how I was going to juggle it all. I was really just flying by the seat of my pants and hoping things would work out.

Boy was I wrong! As soon as I felt like I had it all under control, life decided to throw a few curveballs at me. I was faced with the tragic loss of a friend, a close family member, and a beautiful dog, all of whom I loved for many years.

Having to say goodbye felt like it knocked everything out of me and it all happened so fast that I never really had the chance to fully process one before dealing with the next. At the same time, I was attending a ton of weddings for friends and family, so my emotions were all over the place. I actually went to a wedding one day and a funeral the next!

On top of all of that, I was still working, going to school full-time, and trying (unsuccessfully) to maintain a household. It just felt like I was constantly spinning my wheels but getting nowhere. It was mentally, emotionally, and physically draining.

That is when I realized that I wasn’t really happy with the way my life was going.

I was spending all of this time and energy on things that I had to do that I didn’t have any time to focus on things that I wanted to do. Sound familiar?

We’ve all been there and it sucks! Life is hard and sometimes we just have to grow up deal with it. For me, that meant simply going through the motions and blocking everything else out, but there was no joy in that. I knew there had to be a better way. That’s when it hit me.

We can actually enjoy life!

We don’t have to be overwhelmed by everything life throws at us. Instead, we can focus on the little things that make us happy and we can create a life we love. For me, that means good food, lots of sunshine, spending time with loved ones, and a few good beach days. For you, that might mean something completely different, but as long as it makes you happy, it doesn’t matter what it is.

I know this is easier said than done, but trust me, it can be done! Let me repeat that: It can be done.

I set out on a mission to find ways to simplify and streamline different aspects of my life so that I can really spend my time where it matters: on things that make me happy!

While I don’t claim to have it all figured out (because I’m learning along the way), I want to share what I’ve discovered to help you do the same thing for your life.

A little simplicity, a little less stress, and a little more happiness is good for all of us. It’s certainly the change I needed and I know it can help you too.

I write everything I can on mastering social media and simplifying life at home in an effort to take some of the guesswork out of it for you. Your time is better spent enjoying life and the ones you love. My goal is to help you manage and simplify things so that you can focus your time where it really matters.

I want you to live a life you love. I don’t ever want you to look back and regret not spending enough time with your family or enjoying the things you love simply because you were focused on all of the other mundane and stressful things in life.

Whenever things get tough, just step back and take a break. Enjoy a little sunshine and hang out with your friends or family (or do whatever makes you happy) and if nothing else, remember this one thing…

Regardless of what you’re doing and how you’re feeling, it will all still be there when you come back to it. So why not be happy in the meantime?

While all of my suggestions and opinions are genuine, I am not an expert, nor should I be taken as one.  I am on this journey with you and I, too, am learning along the way. While I will always do my best to present you with the best possible information, none of it should be relied upon as advice. You should consult with a professional before you rely on information presented on simplesocialite.com, especially when it comes to money and relationship matters.  If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out or read my full disclosure policy and privacy policy.

I can’t wait to see where this journey takes us together (and how many glasses of wine we share)!

The post Why We All Need To Slow Down & Simplify appeared first on Simple Socialite.